South Mouth - Hillbilly Wisdom, Redneck Observations & Good Ol' Boy Logic from FastForward Publishing

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Cooter Brown offers up an unparalleled collection of over 500 examples of Hillbilly Wisdom, Redneck Observations and Good Ol' Boy logic in "South Mouth". lt's a very funny -- and often insightful -- book.

In the tradition of rural America (especially the South), we welcome you to come in, sit a spell and sample some of the unique ways we express ourselves. You'll get a heapin' helping of "South Mouth"

If things aren't going well: "I'm as bad off as a rubber-nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest."

If a co-worker is lazy: "They call him "blister" because he doesn't show up until the work is done."

If the temperature is falling outside: "It's gonna be colder than a cast iron commode on the shady side of an iceberg."

If a job is frustrating: "It's like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree."

If you' re ready for dinner: "I' m so hungry I could eat a stink bug off a dead skunk."

If someone is less than attractive: "If I had a dog as ugly as him, I' d shave its butt and make it walk backwards."

If your wallet is empty: "If a trip around the world cost a dollar, I couldn't get to the state line."

If you' re describing a winding road: "The road was so crooked you could see your own tail lights."

If someone is acting less than intelligent: "He' s a seven story buildin' with a five story elevator."

Who knows, maybe you'll end up spicing up your conversation with some of colorful language and become a "South Mouth" yourself. Or maybe not. Either way, take it from Cooter Brown, "You'll have a good ol' time."